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I'm mid thirties, two smallish children, one delightful husband, one car and one mortgage kinda lady. We left the big smoke some time ago and live in one of the most charming places in England.

Thursday, 30 June 2011

Playground dramas or bullying...?

It’s a fine line between bullying and normal six year old girl behavior. Our latest quandary in the household is eldest munckins dilemma that kept her up in a mild state of anxiety till well past bedtime last night.

One of her friends, lets call her Jane, appears to be a very popular young lady. Eldest describes everyone wanting to always sit next to Jane, Jane being the leader of the gang and slightly disturbingly Jane using gullible boys to ‘attack’ anyone who upsets her. I’ve always been a little suspicious of Jane, as she has such impeccable manners around adults – a sure sign she’s trying to win us over. My daughter describes her as having a little of the ‘dark side’ in her. I can’t seriously believe we are breeding Sith Lords and Ladies in Middle England  but ….

So last night eldest explained how she had to find a crystal to give to Jane, as she had been told by Jane, she would only gain her friendship on production of a crystal. Disturbingly eldest was given 24hours to produce the crystal. I suppose, I dismissed it as playground antics, until I heard that timescales had been given.

Eldest was very torn between not wanting to break a promise, to give a crystal but also not wanting to give up any crystals. To her the notion that a crystal was a down payment on friendship seemed completely natural.

So in trying to understand eldest emotions I had to keep check on my own. I realized advising her to tell Jane to fu*k off ,was not the right move. Overworked husband came home 40 mins into this anti Jane session. He announced straightaway that Jane was obviously a bully, and that eldest should stand up to her and make new friends. Five minutes later she was content and asleep in bed. So I’d spent 40 mins patiently hearing the finer points of the emergence of a Sith power in the playground and overworked husband nailed it in 3.

I’m hoping it will now just fade, as my part of middle England is not so large and the parents of the Sith lady are coming to dinner this Saturday. Advice please – should we get involved in playground dramas – if so when, or is this just part of growing up?


  1. Oh Gosh that's a hard one. We haven't really experienced this yet - boys are more straightforward, they tend to thump each other and fight but then the next day are best friends again. I would say don't get involved unless it gets really bad - although you could sound out the teacher and see if she knows about it at the next parent's evening?

  2. First of all, exactly the same thing would happen with us where I would spent far too much time deliberating something like this and other half would sort it in 5 minutes flat!

    We can't wrap our children up in cotton wool for ever but we can gentle make them realise that certain behaviour isn't acceptable and throughout life, we will meet new friends and make new friendships. I'd say "Jane" is a bully and I personally, would be on the phone to school to ask them to keep an eye on her. But that's just me; we're all different.

    CJ xx